Three Things NFP Has Done for Our Marriage

Last month we celebrated our three-year wedding anniversary! And just this week we celebrated seven years since we first started dating.

Seven years ago during our first summer of dating <3

Seven years is a long time, and I think I love our relationship more today than at any other point in that time. I think I'm pretty blessed to be able to say that, too. There are days or moments where I have to sit down and wonder, "Why do I deserve this?" I haven't figured it out yet, but whatever it is, I know my husband was created for me and vice versa.

One of the best things we ever did for our relationship was switch from contraception to NFP. I think that switch has created permanent guardrails for our marriage so we can avoid many of the ravines other couples fall into. It certainly wasn't something we ever planned for and it meant a lifestyle change for us both, but it was worth it if it meant making our marriage more like what God wants it to be. And as a way to keep my thoughts going in a coherent direction, I've decided to list three things that NFP has done for our marriage, one for each year.

It's Created A New Level of Respect
If NFP does one thing, if applied properly in a marriage, I think it is creating a level of respect that wasn't there before or at least supporting that level of respect on a day-to-day basis. I've heard a lot of women say they don't want their husbands to help them chart because they don't want their husbands to know about their cycles. Yes, pretend they don't exist. I'm sure he'll never notice .... All joking aside, I can't tell you how appreciative I am that Ben knows how my body works as well as I do. A woman's ability to grow a life inside her is incredible and all the functions that support that are equally so. My fertility is not something to be ignored, rejected, or suppressed, but celebrated and worked with.

You also can't help but feel a sense of wonder over the body when you understand how perfectly it was designed and how perfectly they were designed for each other. It helps you look beyond the outer shell and not want any kind of substitute, and goodness knows the world has created a lot of substitutes that have readily been accepted into marriage.

It's Called Us to Be Sacrificial
Though having used both NFP and the pill and not seen a huge increase in difficulty in application (I think the copious amount of benefits far outweighs the few extra steps of NFP), it is a sacrifice-based system since you need to abstain during the fertile periods (about 7-10 days on average) if you want to avoid pregnancy. I'm not sure when marriage became more about what you can get from of another person and less about what you can give another person, but it definitely has in our society. Practicing NFP is a daily reminder that we must make sacrifices for our marriage if we want them to flourish and that translates into more than pregnancy or not. It reminds a spouse that the other person in the marriage is there for more reasons than to satisfy their needs. And it has reminded me to sacrifice in other ways like doing the laundry when he's having a busy/crummy week. Sacrifice is necessary if you want to make a marriage work. Too often people give their worst to their spouse and expect the best in return. No relationship can survive that.

It's Made Our Relationship Less Self-Focused
For us, NFP goes hand in hand with our faith and responsible parenthood, where we are asked to be open to life and pray about God's plan for our family constantly and not just when the prescription for birth control runs out. I've never been the best at prayer. I'm more of a doer, and silence often causes my mind to wander. However, with the daily reminder of the gift of my fertility, I suddenly found I was talking to God more about what His plans were for me. And it wasn't just in relation to children. I was suddenly talking to him about work, family relationships, future goals,  and on and on. Ben and I were also discussing faith more frequently together and getting the opportunity to share with others. It's just made us aware that there's a bigger picture than our individual selves and sometimes that bigger picture is our marriage. I think one of the best examples happened when I found out I was pregnant. I was in a flurry. I couldn't even sit down. And Ben came over to me, grabbed my hand, and pulled me down to sit with him on the couch. He closed his hands around mine and started praying out loud. For him it had become habit to talk to God about new life. It might be one of my most favorite moments ever.

Thank you Benjamin for being the husband God has asked you to be and being willing and open to grow as a couple.

Wedding day :) Photo by Deidre Lynn Photography

You Are So Brave

When I started this blog I wasn't sure where my voice would go. Either to be lost in the vastness of cyberspace or by some miracle perhaps someone might hear it. Regardless, this blog has given me  several opportunities I never expected like the opportunity to talk to several hundred teens and young adults through local events and when I was blessed to have my story published on LifeTeen.com. So I know people are hearing my story, but what I am just over the moon about is the number of women who have since contacted me with questions, comments, etc. So this post is dedicated to them.

I want to tell you each how brave I think you are. Each of you is struggling with things that would be so much easier if you just popped the pill, but either for health reasons, moral reasons, or a combination of the two you have decided to starting asking questions and researching your options. That takes a leap of faith that I know is incredibly difficult and can be so scary.

I want to encourage you and try and shout above the waves of people or your own self doubt that you are doing the right thing. Even if you haven't already signed up for a NFP class or started converting your friends, just looking at options is an awesome first step. It's the only first step really. I was my own worst enemy and if one person backed up my own self doubt then my resolve crumbled. It took weeks and weeks of discussions with friends to get me to finally climb the wall I had made out of my birth control pill packs to take that first step in following God's plan for me as well as a healthier lifestyle. 

So I just want to say again, ladies, you are so brave. So BRAVE! I've seen your faces, or at least ones like them, in the rows of women at pre-cana classes. I can see that inner struggle. I so know that inner struggle. But I'll tell you what I tell them. NFP is not the same as taking a pill everyday. It's a lifestyle change and that takes determination, knowledge, and support. There are difficult aspects of NFP that you don't have when you simply take a pill and forget about the rest. But I wouldn't trade those difficult aspects for the control I feel knowing my body and peace I feel when I know I'm aligned with my faith and understand why. So start researching, keep asking me and other resources questions, determine your reasons for staying on birth control and the reasons why you are even considering NFP. I found that the reasons I was considering NFP were reasons worth fighting for to make NFP work. And once I made that switch, I suddenly have even more reasons to stick with it.

And I know support isn't out there in droves for your decision to switch to NFP for family planning or even to just understand your cycle, so please never feel like a burden or a bother to email me with questions. I WANT to be that support!

Again, I am so impressed with all of you amazing women!

What About Miserable Cycles?

I recently received a comment to my page, "My Story: A Recovering Birth Control Addict" that said, “What about girls who have miserable cycles...? Not everyone's problem's can be solved with  'vitamins, diet, and exercise'.... what advice do you have for young Catholic women in that situation? I agree that birth control is not a 'miracle pill' but what other options are there for ovarian cysts, 10-day periods, and severe PMS/PMDD?."

What an excellent series of questions. Though each portion of your question could be an entire paper, I'll attempt to address them as best I can from my training as an NFP instructor and personal experience. 

I hear you on the miserable cycles. My cycles were miserable - like longer than 10-day periods (a LOT longer), horrible pain (to the point of vomiting and never leaving my room), and cycles of all lengths (do I hear 65 days anyone?)! So I know from my experience that diet (cut out things that have hormones added to them! You are messing with your body’s natural hormones!), exercise (I’m not a marathon runner. I'm a 30-40 minute walker.), and vitamins (fish oil, Omega-3s, fatty acids) do in fact help get your cycles under control. I’m proof!

But I do completely understand that for women with severe conditions, such as polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) and endometriosis, the pill can seem like the only option. In fact most doctors will tell you something to that effect, but that's unfair that a doctor would make you feel like that. The pill DOES NOT CURE the problem! It masks they symptoms. 

For example, premenstrual syndrome (PMS) symptoms, such as anxiety, water retention, weight gain, bloating, fatigue, headaches, and even depression, most often occur during the post-ovulatory phase of a woman's cycle also known as the luteal phase, which is the timeframe right before a woman begins her period (usually 11-15 days). The cause for this is thought to be an imbalance of the proper amounts of hormones (estrogen, progesterone, etc.) and often manifests itself in a woman's cycle as a short luteal phase. However, if you are on the pill, you'd never know that because the pill tricks your body into a perfect 28-day cycle. You never fix the problem; you just mask it. If, however, a woman was charting she could see that her cycle had a poor temperature rise (an indication that ovulation has occurred) and fewer than necessary (for fertility reasons) days between ovulation and the beginning of her period. This is an indication that her progesterone levels are too low and estrogen is too high, something that can be fixed with nutrition and vitamins. How so? Take more B vitamins. A lack in B vitamins means your liver cannot "effectively inactivate estrogen, and estrogen rises." Also by eating dietary fiber, which comes from plants, estrogen is also blocked and helps hormone levels return to normal. Hello possible cure to PMS! 

So you can see that when I say diet and vitamins, I don't mean just anything. You have to learn the root causes and the dietary supplements that help correct those causes. And it's not hard. I received all that information from Marilyn M. Shannon's book, "Fertility, Cycles and Nutrition." It is my go-to resource! She has whole chapters dedicated to PMS, endometriosis, and so much more. A whole section of her book is dedicated solely to good nutrition, specifically nutrition related to a woman's reproductive cycle. And that's what we need ladies!

Obviously some problems go further than this. So what are your options. I’d say find a doctor willing to work with you. So many of us go to the same doctor and just listen to one point of view. I’ve been there, and especially as a 13-year-old girl, I had no idea I could ask to see a different doctor. But under most health care plans you have several options of doctors. Unfortunately, you don’t always have a NFP-only or NFP-open-minded doctor. I haven’t found one in my local area, but I did find a woman who was willing to hear my point of view and work with me. Find someone who at least is willing to do that or better. And if you need to go even further, there are options such as the Pope Paul VI institute and NaPro technology. Look into them if you've exhausted all other options. These are both dedicated to fixing a problem and not just masking it.

Finally, you have to commit and become knowledgable about your body. Popping the pill everyday is super easy, but it's not worth the costs. A woman shouldn't have to choose between the nasty side effects of a crazy cycle and the nasty side effects of the pill, not to mention the serious abortifacient properties. I pray that someday our medical community will put more effort into finding ways to help women overcome these serious issues without jeopardizing other parts of their health, but until then we do have other options. It's more than "diet, exercise, and vitamins;" it's about knowledge and the power that comes with to change your health for the better.

Life Teen: Addicted to Birth Control

Today marks a little bit of a dream come true for me. I've been published on LifeTeen.com!

I was shocked when I received an email from LifeTeen.com asking if they could reprint my blog page "My Story: A Recovering Birth Control Addict", and I of course immediately said yes. LifeTeen.com is an awesome online resource for teenagers (specifically Catholic) regarding all things "faith." It's a true honor to have my story posted to its pages.

I have an idea of how they ran across it since I'm friends with one of their authors who also recently wrote a great post about birth control for LifeTeen.com and is a frequent author for the site, Alison Griswold. Check out her work! It's informative, quirky, and right on target.

This month on LifeTeen.com they are focusing on birth control so check out some of the other posts and check back all month for more information about birth control in general, the church's stance on contraception, and more. And more importantly pass this information onto teenagers and the parents of teenagers because it is so important. If this was a topic that had come up more during my teenage years I might not have stayed on birth control for as long as I did (I'd like to think that anyway haha ;) ). Spread the word because there is a lot of bad information out there about what the church teaches and the moral, healthy alternatives to birth control! Let's spread the positive message that natural family planning, responsible parenthood, and chastity have to offer, which is one of hope, commitment, health, respect, and love.

We've been Published!

We've been published! I was so excited when approached by CCLI to have our witness talk published in their Family Foundations magazine. I was even more excited that our talk was chosen for the wedding and marriage issue, which is highly distributed. I'm praying that God uses our words to help others in their journey to using NFP or strengthening their current practice of NFP. Both are so important. 

What is kind of fun about this is that it is entirely in our words ... except for the title, "NFP helps us see the bigger picture." I didn't provide a title when I submitted our talk, but I think it's perfect. I'm thrilled that after reading our talk the editor came to the conclusion that NFP has helped us see there is a bigger picture for us than the one we paint, God's picture.

A few weeks ago my husband and I were blessed enough to be asked to speak about Theology of the Body to a group of confirmation students. For most of them, it was the first time they had ever heard about Theology of the Body so I wanted to make sure we hit the really important parts. By the end we were giving them examples from our own lives and I concluded with, "What's really cool about all this is how quickly your will aligns with God's will when you are truly open to it." It's just so true! For years I was fighting God's will. Truly blocking it from my life and in effect from my marriage by clinging to the false promises contraception makes for a couple's future. I was so sure that I knew what was best for my marriage and my life that I told God each day I swallowed that pill that I didn't need to place my trust in him or that the freewill He gave me wasn't strong enough to follow His perfect plan.

I can't tell you the celebratory feeling I have inside of me when I think about how we are open to God's plan for us each day now compared to how closed we were in the past. I'm not saying we're perfect or that we have any real idea of God's plan for us, but I feel like we are much closer. Plus, it's been a year since we kicked the contraception habit for NFP and it has so radically changed our lives for the better  that I can't help but see God's hand everywhere! It's strengthened our marriage, our faith in one another to want the best for our marriage, our trust in God and his future plan for us, and it has opened so many doors so that we might evangelize to others about God's beautiful design of our bodies but also of his unfathomable love for each and ever living cell! It gives me goosebumps!

NFP isn't always easy and sometimes it brings about the unexpected (like how differently I view my world!), but it is so entirely worth it. Truly, as the article is titled, it has helped us get a better glimpse of the bigger picture and it's a beautiful picture.

Pumped about Obama's Victory

I’m kind of pumped about President Obama’s victory. Wait! Before you go to the comment box to either argue with me or congratulate me, let me explain why.

Last Tuesday, when I saw that President Obama would continue leading our country, I felt crushed. I wasn’t expecting anything different and I’m no lover of Romney, but I knew it was a crushing blow to my family, my beloved Church family. The Health and Human Services (HHS) Mandate is a mandate to Obamacare that will require companies to pay for insurance that will provide abortion-inducing drugs, contraceptives, and sterilization procedures. This mandate includes all organizations even if that organization is morally opposed to those things. Because of Obama's re-election it will be allowed to continue. Christian organizations were given one year to comply and that deadline is quickly approaching. 

The organizations have several options: 1) comply, 2) pay a hefty fine (for Hobby Lobby it will be $1.3 million a day), 3) drop health care coverage for its employees, or 4) close its doors all together. I'm assuming in most cases if the organization does No. 2 or 3, it will result in No. 4. The choices are grim, but I pray the Church chooses correctly. I pray it fights until it has to start closing its doors on schools, hospitals, charities, retail stores, etc., and refusing to comply until that time the mandate is overturned or at least modified to either exclude organizations morally opposed to it or no longer include coverage for life-ending services.

But I don’t suspect it will be overturned or even modified easily, and I see a lot of pain in the future of my Church. I see religious leaders and Christians everywhere being truly persecuted for not wishing to waiver in their belief that all life is valuable and that things that are destructive to that life are also destructive to our culture as a whole. I don’t want to be a doomsayer, but if we act like we should, we’ll be getting a lot of press about our unwavering opposition to the point of humiliation, bankruptcy, jail time, or worse. Basically, I think it will get worse before it gets better.

But it will get better; first because our God is faithful to His faithful and abounding in mercy, and second because I think this has a purpose. It’s time to strengthen our Church on the national and international scales. We’ve grown silent on issues we are afraid will drive people from the pews. We've ignored shifts in culture because we're afraid to look like what this world describes as bigots and antiques. We've decided that telling people what is right and wrong is none of our business because if we do there will be no one left to tell. We’ve become divided within one body, and if a body is divided, it dies.

I’m already personally thankful for President Obama’s past term and the HHS Mandate. Without it my group of friends may have never talked about the Church’s teaching on birth control as frequently as they did. It took many, many discussions before I found NFP and realized I was rejecting a crucial part of my vocation of marriage, my faith, and my responsibility to other humans. It’s made me an ardent supporter of NFP and has made me a better wife, Christian, and neighbor. I think allowing the mandate to persist so that we can oppose it publicly on a national stage will strength true Christians, will evangelize to those who are not, and push out the door those too complacent to fight.

So that’s why I’m ready for President Obama’s next four years. They will be a true test of our Church and our individual faith journeys. I am relinquishing to God my fear, however, that many of my Christian brothers and sisters will not fight the mandate. I will more than likely suffer each time an institution, which call itself Christian, complies with the mandate and provides/funds the services that end life. And maybe I won’t see the end or modification of the mandate before I die, but I think this will make our Church stronger. Smaller perhaps, as people will inevitably leave, but what remains will be stronger.

http://www.usccb.org/issues-and-action/religious-liberty/conscience-protection/

http://standupforreligiousfreedom.com

http://www.becketfund.org/support-hobby-lobby/

http://www.alliancedefendingfreedom.org/issues/religious-liberty

Redefining Life

Once upon a time I was a birth control user and called myself pro-life. Little did I know that made me a hypocrite.

How so you ask? Don’t women by taking birth control prevent unwanted babies and thus possibly abortion? Nope. But don’t ask your doctor that because you’ll get a different answer. I know. I asked.

Prior to 1965 conception was considered to occur at fertilization or when the egg is fertilized by a sperm thus creating an embryo, which has all the necessary DNA of a human being.

In 1965 the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (per Planned Parenthood’s suggestion) redefined conception as the implantation of an ovum, or when the embryo attaches itself to the uterine lining.

Why’d they do that? Because this newfangled pill was coming out, but people weren’t jumping on the bandwagon because it ended pregnancies. How many times are we going to be fooled by semantics?! The pill works like this:

First it releases a synthetic version of progesterone. Progesterone naturally occurs in a woman’s cycle only after ovulation (when the egg is released to be fertilized) to prepare the body for a potential pregnancy. By releasing this hormone earlier it tricks the body into thinking it’s pregnant and therefore does not ovulate. No ovulation means no chance to make a baby.

Thanks 1flesh.org for the graphics!

However, because the pill originally had extremely high dosages of progesterone that were causing serious issues in women (like cancer and death) developers of the pill have cut back on the amount of progesterone thus allowing ovulation to occur (though we still get many of those nasty side effects). If ovulation happens, the egg can become fertilized. Ovulation occurs 28 percent of the time with regular hormonal contraceptives (that means the pill, the patch, IUDs, and other contraceptives that use synthetic hormones to trick the body). Ovulation occurs 33-65 percent of the time in progestin-only mini-pill cycles. *

So backup function of the pill is to thicken cervical mucus and slow tubal motility so the two halves of a whole person can’t meet. But still, that might not be enough to prevent new life from forming.

The pill has a third function and it’s abortificant in nature. It thins a woman’s uterine lining, aka the “embryo food”. So, if an egg and sperm were to meet and create a baby, the pill makes a woman’s body inhospitable to that life continuing, thus causing an early term chemical abortion. That means hundreds, thousands, millions of babies have been aborted due to hormonal contraceptives according to the definition of life that starts at fertilization.

Don’t believe me; ask your doctor. Ask, that if your definition of life begins at fertilization (and science has proven that it does), if the pill (the patch, IUDs, etc.) causes the embryo to be unable to implant (aka die). Their answer should be yes and that means that hormonal contraceptives can have an abortificant effect.

I asked my doctor at the age of 18 if the pill caused abortions, and I got ‘no’ for an answer. I didn’t know that her definition of when life started was later than mine. And it was because of that answer, and my own unwillingness to investigate into the issue, that I went a year and a half on birth control while married. That devastates me looking back and wondering about the possible lives I might have ended because the pill seemed somehow easier and more effective than the other options out there. I thought I wasn’t hurting anyone, but I had no idea I was potentially ending life … life that my husband and I created … my own children. I don’t know if that happened and I might not ever know until I leave this world, but that’s my burden to bear. I just hope I can help others realize this truth so they can embrace life when they are ready and exercise responsible parenthood and make adult decisions before they are.

If you are pro-life, you don’t use hormonal contraceptives. That’s that.

Want to learn more about this from an NFP doctor or teacher, visit www.onemoresoul.com to find one in your area.

* Larimaore W Standford J. Postfertilization Effects of Oral Contraceptives and Their Relationsihp to Informed Consent, Arch Fam Med 2000; 9:126-133

Choosing Life by Teaching NFP

It's October! The month of national fill-in-the-blank months! I think I've seen about a dozen things that October is celebrating (because who doesn't love October?), but the one that stands out the most is National Pro-life Month or 40 Days for Life!

NFP and being pro-life are inseparable. It's fertility awareness coupled with responsible parenthood so that adults can make decisions together on whether or not they feel called to have children. There's a true openness to life inherent to NFP.

As such, my husband and I are so excited that we get the honor of teaching people the difference between being closed to life with contraception and being open to life with NFP. To make it feel really truly real, we got our Couple to Couple League name tags today!

Feeling pretty legit with these!

I hope to spend some time this month on posts about life this month, so stop by. Today, I want to pass on a prayer that my pastor read at church last Sunday. I thought it was so beautiful.

"O Mary, Mother of Jesus and Mother of us all, we turn to you today as the one who said 'Yes' to Life. 'You will conceive and bear a Son,' the angel told you. Despite the surprise and the uncertainty about how this could be, you said yes. 'Be it done unto me according to your word.'

"Mary, we pray today for all mothers who are afraid to be mothers. We pray for those who feel threatened and overwhelmed by their pregnancy. Intercede for them, that God may give them the grace to say yes and the courage to go on. May they have the grace to reject the false solution of abortion. May they say with you, 'Be it done unto me according to your word.' May they experience the help of Christian people, and know the peace that comes from doing God's will. Amen."

The line that says, "May they experience the help of the Christian people" is strong to me. I hope, as Christians, and in general as human beings, we each can make an unexpectedly pregnant mother feel at peace with her future because of the support of those around her. I pray that we don't alienate her, that we don't judge her, and that we love her.

Keep it pretty,
Karina

NFP Believes in Soulmates

Sometimes I forget to lead with my heart instead of my mind when it comes to telling people about NFP. I want to preach that it’s 99.5 percent effective at preventing pregnancy and that it tells you all sorts of things about your body beyond you fertility and … look I’m doing it again!

But honestly avoiding the baby bump is not the ultimate reason behind my love for NFP. I love NFP because I now see humanity in a totally different light.

If you couldn’t guess, I’m a Christian (NO WAY, right?), and I’m a pretty ginormous fan of Jesus and His Church. They have both taught me how to respect my body as well as the bodies of others, but never more clearly than when I was learning NFP and researching the reason the Church denounces contraceptives (because, hey, I was on that bandwagon for a while). What I learned literally took my breath away and blew my mind so completely that I’m surprised I still lead with it.

The body is essential to the truths of the Christian faith, but most of the time it gets a bad rap for being “weak flesh”. But it wouldn’t be weak if we knew how amazing it was. Want to know why? Keep reading.

First is that God created us in His image and likeness. For a long time I just thought that meant our souls were like His and not necessarily our bodies. I just didn’t see the body as being as important as the soul. But if bodies aren’t important to God’s overall design, then why did He give them to us? I think it would be pretty cool if we just flew around as spirits without the limitations of bodies. But since we have bodies, there must be a reason.

I also know that the body is essential to understanding Christianity because Christ became man; He took on human flesh. God wouldn’t have done that if the body were somehow lesser than the soul. He could have easily appeared on Earth as a ghost/spirit type of entity, but instead He was incarnate of the Virgin Mary and became man. He became flesh because it would be the destruction of that flesh on the cross that would make His sacrifice so great and absolutely perfect.

Finally I had to come to the realization that the body and the spirit are not two separate things competing in a contest for who is greater. They are indivisible. Christ wasn’t half human and half God when He was walking around Earth. He was fully both because He was God made flesh just like we are souls made flesh. As such respect of the body is paramount. When you can look at another human being or look in the mirror and see a soul made in the image and likeness of God how can you hate that person? How could you not love that person if you love God?

NFP has made me see this as I learn how perfectly my body was made. NFP has more fully cemented my view that my body should be respected by me as well as by my spouse. My husband and I don’t work against it, but with it. I’ve also become more aware of dangers I see so many of my friends putting themselves directly in front of. They don’t view their body as something sacred and beautiful and made by God. Instead they look for ways to feel those things in ways that are disrespectful to their body such as sex for fun instead of sex for true, covenant love. They don’t wait for to have sex with their “soulmate” (means more now that you know that the body and the soul are indivisible, right?) because this world likes to preach that the body is a toy to do with what we please even if that means hurting it. NFP teaches quite the opposite: that we belong to God and we were created to be loved.

A Christian Physician’s Perspective: Why I prescribe Natural Family Planning (NFP) instead of Artificial Hormonal Contraception.

My first guest post!

This is from a good friend, Billy, of mine who is truly inspiring. He's a single, young adult man who also happens to be a physician with the Navy. He believes in informed consent and treating the problem, not masking it with a pill. I've been strengthened in my drive to educate people about NFP many times because of his passion for it as a healthy and moral alternative for his patients. Take a few minutes and read this!

I was once asked by another physician, “What’s the real difference, since both are 98% effective, and one requires occasional abstinence while the other does not?” Below is a summary of my opinion as a grounded Christian and as a physician passionate about science.

1. I believe in the dignity of human life. I believe God is the author of life, that He created us in His image – unique yet complementary as male and female. Taking the pill is a conscious decision we can make as humans, to actively create an environment hostile to the beginning of life. This hostile environment is created before and after fertilization, the latter mechanism is more simply abortion.  Remember that the very word “contraception” in this case means to “go against the beginning of life.”  Contraception is the very opposite of openness to the beginning of life, by obstructing the natural development of a process that is pro-creative in God’s beautiful design.  On the other hand, natural family planning does not create an environment hostile to the beginning of life.  Instead, intercourse remains open to life as God intended. Though natural family planning and hormonal contraception have the same “efficacy” in preventing/postponing a child, the two could not be more different. (A future post will follow regarding the abortive potential of hormonal contraception).
2. I believe women should be respected, in their entirety. Their entirety includes their fertility and fascinating reproductive system. I will not use a drug to suppress this beautiful design God has created. Since the widespread use of the pill, sexual moral standards have generally declined.  Not much life experience is needed to realize that men often need incentives to adhere to a moral code.  It is evil to ease the transgression of moral code. Some physicians have done so already, allowing some men to grow accustomed to the use of contraception. In doing so, men may forget the sincere reverence due to a woman, reducing her to an instrument of pleasure, and disregarding her physical and emotional equilibrium.  He may see no immediate consequences to their actions, yet several have been observed in society since the pill: general lowering of standards for women, a rise in infidelity and prostitution. If you are not aware of these results, take a step away from the Church for a day.  
3. I am pro-life, and most hormonal contraceptives act against the dignity of life as abortive agents.  Just reference the common Physician’s Desk Reference or UpToDate. Or, consider the history: In 1965, The American College of Obstetrics and Gynecologists (ACOG) issued a bulletin to redefine "conception" to mean "implantation."As a prestigious society, ACOG redefined life for money. The pill would soon bring in millions, as their new definition removed abortion from most informed-consent discussions with patients. However, the mechanism of contraceptives has not changed with their new definition of life. For nearly all progestin-only contraceptives, ovulation is not consistently suppressed, and “endometrial thinning” is one of the key mechanisms. This then promotes early abortion because the endometrial lining is not suitable to early life. All hormonal contraceptives have the potential to promote an abortion, some more than others. Note that the new emergency contraceptive Ella hits the same progesterone receptors as most current contraceptives, and the package insert states “not indicated in pregnancy due to hazard to fetus.” One may state in reply, “But God has caused many spontaneous abortions as part of a natural process.” I will ask, “What role do you have as the cause of abortion?” Or, consider Hippocrates, the father of modern medicine: “I will not give to a woman an abortive remedy. In purity and holiness I will guard my life…”
4. I only prescribe medication for disease or injury. To prescribe medication to alter our natural fertility is to prescribe a poison. A drug can only be considered a medication when treating an actual disease. Fertility is not a disease, but rather quite beautiful. Rather than suppressing fertility, we should work with God’s beautiful design. NFP does just this, not altering or suppressing our body. Instead, NFP asks a woman to work with her body and to know her body better. NFP strives to find any underlying medical problems, and does not consider fertility as one of them.
5. I believe low-risk life style changes should always be introduced before prescribing any medication, and that the side effects of every medication should be considered. Hormonal contraception increases risk of heart attack and stroke by 50-80% (NEJM). I have witnessed or interviewed three patients with blood clots related to contraception in the last six months.  The physicians that performed a hypercoagulability (blood clot) workup suggested the patient stop taking contraception, as they felt it was likely related in each case.
6. I believe in informed consent. Many patients are on the pill, not knowing the risks or alternatives. Copied below is a conversation I had with one patient.

“Were you counseled on any alternatives to artificial hormonal contraception, besides any of these pills you’ve been taking?” I asked my patient, after she had tried 3 different options with a variety of side effects. 
“Yes, Implanon – the implant that goes in your arm with a small surgery.”  (Implanon is a progestin – hormonal)
“What about any alternatives to medication, abstinence or natural family planning?”
“No. I was just given the pill.”

Whatever happened to informed consent?!  How can these conversations exist with my patients? 

NFP in its greatest practice is not just about a proven scientific method. It’s part of a greater respect for life and God’s role in creation. I’ve had contracepting couples switch to NFP solely based on the medical risks and benefits of contraception, in comparison to NFP. Did this change their philosophy regarding life’s dignity and God’s role in creation? Unfortunately, I somewhat doubt it. However, medically it certainly is safer than hormonal contraception. 

The beauty in NFP should include this appreciation of life and its dignity. One can keep true to this philosophy in practicing NFP, but not by contraception.  Unfortunately, it is possible to practice NFP and not hold dear the dignity of life.  If you do practice NFP to delay a pregnancy, prayerfully consider God’s role in planning His next child with you.  If you practice NFP in a contraceptive mentality, you have forgotten God’s role.  For everyone, I encourage learning a little basic science on this subject.  Ask questions.  Don’t accept a pill as the only option when the physician fails to fully inform. Ask about risks and alternatives.  More importantly, keep God and His plans close to your heart.  Respect all life. Do not thwart the transmission of life as God so beautifully designed.

Turning Skepticism Into Openness

“The body, and only the body, is capable of making visible what is invisible: the spiritual and the divine.” – Pope John Paul II, TOB 46:6

We used Up as an example in our talk because they are the cutest Disney couple ever!

A few weeks back the wonderful couple that taught us NFP asked us if we could step in to give the pre-cana talk on marriage and sexuality. They are part of the Air Force and were moving to a base in California. We of course jumped at the chance to help spread the word about NFP.

Pre-cana is the Catholic Church’s version of marriage prep. The marriage at Cana was where Christ performed his first public miracle when He turned water to wine at the urging of His mother. A fitting name for marriage prep, don’t you think? Today I felt like I was turning skepticism into openness, or at least attempting to.

After we agreed to give the talk, we went and sat in on one. It’s hard coming from an environment that is so pro-NFP to one that is literally hostile to the idea. Our teaching couple got up there and shared their hearts out, but mostly what they got in return were closed minds and skeptic hearts. I was a little terrified at what we were going to face when it came our turn.

I’m an editor by trade, but I don’t always take criticism well. I can dish it out, but I can’t take it. I know, total hypocrisy, but that’s the honest truth, and I’m working on it (just don’t go editing this now). At the end of the pre-cana session the couples listening get to give us feedback. I think some of the people need a new definition of feedback. Feedback should be constructive, not destructive.  But, there were a few shining, hopeful statements in the bunch, which is ultimately what we are after. Maybe this is God’s way of making me better at taking criticism?

Anyway today we gave our first pre-cana talk! I literally worked on it every evening for the past week because I wanted to appeal to both those couples open to NFP and those using contraceptives. To do that, we used the quote at the top as the basis for our talk. We talked about how ultimately this talk wasn’t about sex; it was about respect of your body, your spouse’s body, and the body of your marriage when you become one flesh in the sacrament (Ephesians 5:28-31). I hope to have a blog post about more on that later.

Anyway, there were only five couples this time. A really small class, but we were thankful for that since this was our first go at it. Unfortunately, or fortunately depending on how you look at it, our notes weren’t visible on the screen that showed our PPT slides. So we had to wing it a little bit. I think it helped, but it did run us over our time about 15 minutes. Oops. The couple that hosts the pre-cana came up to us afterward though and said they would increase our time allotted in the future because they loved the points we were making. Yeah!! Sorry future pre-cana people!

The highlight of all of this is that out of the five couples, two couples said they were really interested in taking the class and would be looking us or another local teacher up in the near future! Another couple said they would be looking into adoption since we spoke about infertility issues and the amazing options out there for couples that are loving and morally sound. Not sure what the thoughts of the other two couples were, but we should get our evaluations soon … finger-crossed!

This will probably be a never-ending process of modifying our talk for pre-cana, so if you have any thoughts or suggestions for us about what would appeal to you if you were in the seats, leave me a comment. Ben and I would greatly appreciate it!

Subordination or Bust?

Who do you think would be more interested in taking a class on natural family planning, a woman or a man?

I know what my answer would be, but then I would be wrong according to a recent study.

Population-based surveys in Missouri and Utah yielded:

·         About 25% of women are interested in NFP to avoid pregnancy.

·         About 33% interested in NFP to conceive.

·         About 40% of men were also interested in NFP.

·         Interest NOT associated with religion, education, age, or income.

Journal of Family Practice 1998: 46: 65-71.

Utah’s Health Annual Review 2003: 9:40-45.

I just thought this was so interesting because I just naturally assumed a woman would be more prone to want to learn more about their bodies rather than their husbands, boyfriends, or fiancés. It made me step back and consider why this might be, and I think I have one possible answer.

Last night we were at a Bible study (stay with me this isn’t going to get too religious), and we read Ephesians 5:21-33, the chapter with the verse that says basically, “Wives be subordinate to your husbands.” We discussed how too often we, as women, shut down after hearing the word subordinate. Many women hate that verse in the Bible and it may even be one of the reasons they don’t subscribe to the faith. They never read the following six or seven verses that say women should be subordinate to their husbands only if their husband loves them like Christ loved the church. If you aren’t aware of the full story, Christ DIED for his Church! So ladies, wouldn’t you rather just be subordinate to your husband rather than have to die for your husband? My point is, however, that subordinate makes women feel lesser because of the connotations of the word in today’s world. A few centuries ago (ok even today in some parts of our world and country) subordinate wouldn’t have even caused a stir. It was normal. But today women are up in arms over the word because we are still fighting for our equal share of the world.

Like the word ‘subordinate’ has come to mean ‘lesser than,’ birth control has been paraded as women’s freedom, women’s tool for conquering subordination to man. But you need to read the next few verses so-to-speak.

Hormonal contraceptives are not empowering women. They are abusing women. They are restraining women. They are defeating women. The pill not only causes major health issues, both immediately and potentially over time, making us even weaker to our male counterparts, but also keeps us from knowing and understanding our own bodies. Knowledge is power. By forgoing the knowledge of what makes you a woman, your reproductive cycle, you are forgoing any of the power that knowledge could hold. By knowing and charting your cycles you can actually detect abnormalities early and correct them. By regulating your cycles naturally you not only become a functioning adult without added hormones, but you also are healthy and stronger.

It infuriates me when I hear that giving out free birth control is a means to empowering women. What a misconception! Why not give out free NFP classes so women can learn about their bodies? Why not require doctors to learn more about women’s anatomies and promote that learning instead of controlling and changing them with medications? (I have a friend, who is a doctor, who said he learned more about the female reproductive system in his two-hour NFP class than his entire medical training. That is an affront to women!) Why not give free home birth classes and resources? Why are we not giving women what will open their eyes to the awesomeness that makes them women instead of trying to make it disappear with a drug? I don’t know about you, but I’m a feminist because I believe women, as we are, have equal standing with men, not because I think women should become more like men.

So if your husband, boyfriend, fiancé is interested in NFP and learning more about it, maybe be subordinate to his will because he is trying to build you up! He is trying to give you the tools to be an even better WOMAN! Then you can work together, as an inseparable, equal unit, to decide how to plan your families.