Light Switch Dance

God said, "Let there be Light," but My Husband said, "&*$%!"

I'd like to think that my husband and I were rational adults who purchased a house after scouring the web for information and fully examining every square inch with our home inspector. I'd like to think that, but the longer we live here, the more I ask my husband, "Why didn't we see that when we were purchasing this place?" The lights would be one of those things I missed when all I saw was a prime HGTV episode being lived out by mwah!

Our home was built in 1985; so it's older than I am, and if I'm already thinking about trading in my knees of new ones, I can't really expect this house to be in much better shape. That being said, I think whoever ran the wiring in this house needs a new profession!!! Each time we have a new guest, my husband has to preform the light-switch dance.

Step One: Flip the far-most-left switch up.
Step Two: Walk to other side of dining room.
Step Three: Flip right switch to dim.
Step Four: Walk back to other side of room to turn light off.
Repeat in living room and bedroom.

We've lived in this home for several months now, and we still usually have to hit one or two switches before the gaining the desired result.

Nasty, dirty, lightless ceiling fan in bedroom.

The light switches were not our only problem. There were literally no lights in some rooms; our bedroom being one of those rooms, and yet there are FIVE light switches. We even tried plugging in a lamp to ALL the outlets hoping one of the switches was connected to them. Nope. Two of the five switches still have unknown results (I keep waiting for a neighbor to walk over and ask why we are always strobing our outside lights. So that's what that one does ...). Our living room also had two ceiling fans with no lights attached. There is a light in the entryway and two small ones over the fireplace, but no central light. No biggie; easy fix.

Gotta love the gold fixtures.

I have no idea how seven months escaped our notice in total darkness! The other day we were in a big-box home improvement store looking for a door, (but that's another story) and ended up leaving with three new ceiling fans, complete with lights. An hour later my husband was on a stool on top of plywood, on top of our ginormous, king bed frame putting up a ceiling fan with a million and one pieces. We should have waited to get a ladder and some strong friends to move the bed before attempting to put up the light, but we (OK, just me) couldn't! Three hours later (wish I was exaggerating), I performed a new light-switch dance. But this was not a happy dance, as the light did not turn on. The fan worked, but no light.

I think it's safe to say, I assumed that meant our house was broken, not the new light fixture. Two electricians and a bill proved me wrong. Luckily the home improvement store didn't make us take back all one million and one pieces. We brought the light portion of the fan back and swapped it for a new one.

My patience hadn't gotten any better in that week's time, so the husband stood on our bed about 30 minutes later and attempted three times to reattach the light. It was very heavy fully assembled with glass lamp shades. By the third time, my very well-tempered husband was biting back what he really felt about this light, and I was attempting to help (You can do, honey! You are so awesome! Come on, I really want this thing working! I mean, it can wait until tomorrow.). He persevered, attached the light, and it works! I'm just happy the electricians put up the other two!

The light turns on, too!

I would show you the whole room, but it's a mess!