Thursday, October 15, 2015

Somewhere Over the Rainbow

I shared recently about our saints in heaven. A lot of women will refer to their lost children as angels, but in the Catholic faith we refer to them as saints since we believe they live in perfection in heaven. They each HAVE a guardian angel, a relationship for eternity. And as a Catholic, it is common practice to ask for the intercession/prayers of the saints for those of us still living this gift of life on earth. So I want to share my miracle through the intercession of my two saints with you.

When I found I was pregnant for a fourth time, I was completely overcome with all the emotions that had built up over the last year. I was overjoyed to be carrying life, but obviously also very anxious about another loss. I had some wonderful friends already praying for me, but I also asked my saints to watch over their sibling.

I also got it into my head that I needed to see a rainbow. Women who experience miscarriage call the living children that follow rainbow babies, essentially equating the loss to a storm and the gift of new life to the miraculous rainbow that follows. Anyway, I thought I needed confirmation from God that we'd get to hold this baby, and I had specific instructions for Him on how I wanted this confirmation. (What can I say? I'm still learning.)

At the time, it was perfect rainbow weather. It was that season in Florida when it rains almost every afternoon and is immediately followed by sunshine. I started finding all sorts of reasons to go outside: get the mail, stretch my legs, let the dog chase the squirrel. But no rainbows. I soon grew frustrated with God because I kept seeing other people on social media posting pictures of these amazing rainbows they were seeing in person. Where was MY rainbow?

On one particularly anxiety-ridden day I was scrolling through Facebook and saw seven different people had posted pictures of rainbows. They were all over the country, and I was nearly in tears because I had pretty much convinced myself I HAD to see a rainbow. It was absurd, but I guess that's how I was coping. As I sat there and looked at these rainbows, many of them doubles, I suddenly realized something. Maybe these were MY rainbows! Maybe I had been staring at the answers to my prayer for days.

I think I saw a rainbow almost every day of my first trimester in one way or another, most of them doubles. I like to think there was one from each of my babies.

So thank you to everyone who posted a picture of a rainbow. I think you were a part of an answered prayer, and at the very least, you helped ease my anxiety.

And know that if you have experienced a loss, that I'm praying for you as well, that you might see your rainbow in whatever form it comes in.

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